Ep. 273: Hope in Suffering

*Below is an edited transcription of the audio conversation.

Welcome to the indoubt Podcast, where we explore the challenging topics that young adults often face. Each week, we talk with guests who help answer questions of faith, life, and culture, connecting them to our daily experiences and God’s word. For more info on indoubt visit indoubt.ca or indoubt.com.

Daniel Markin:

Hello, the indoubt, this is Daniel Markin and on this show, we’re going to be interviewing Dr. Marina Hofman. She is a professor and a writer and has an amazing story that she’s going to be sharing with us in regards to her life basically just almost ending being in a horrific car accident and how the Lord has actually brought her through that. So, I look forward to sharing that with you and think it will be a really helpful episode. Hey, look the indoubt. This is Daniel Martin, and today I’m joined by Dr. Marina Hofman, marina. How are you doing today?

Dr. Marina Hofman:

I’m good. Thank you so much for this opportunity to be together today.

Daniel Markin:

As my pleasure, and it’s our pleasure to have you on here and looking forward to hearing about your life about your story, and then also about some of the expertise that you’re bringing into the areas of community. We’re going to talk about a little bit later on, but this idea of being together in community and also small groups, women in the Bible, you have a lot to, I think share a lot we can learn from you in this area. So, looking forward to chatting with you today. I wonder if you could begin just by letting our audience know a little bit about who you are, kind of what you’re up to these days before we jumped into kind of some of your story and your testimony, because you have a powerful story. You have a very, it’s a shocking story and it’s something I think to do well, we’ll take some time to talk about. But why don’t you first start with kind of what keeps you busy these days.

Dr. Marina Hofman:

Well, thank you, Daniel. So, I’m a wife and a mom and anyone who’s been around a three year old knows that keeps me busy. In addition to my family life, I’m a professor at Palm Beach Atlantic down here in South Florida, although originally, and from my whole life, I’m from Toronto. And right now I’m on a mission to shine light on the women in the Bible, because I know they have so much to offer us today and to help us on our journey of becoming more like Christ.

Daniel Markin:

Amazing. Well, I mean, first of all, the switch to South Florida sounds like one of the best decisions that one can make, especially from Toronto. I mean that like, that’s got to be amazing.

Dr. Marina Hofman:

Yeah. So, it was hard to leave, but there was a draw to the warmth, especially after our accident, when our injuries were unbearable. So, it was a bit of a necessity, but God has worked wonders through our decision.

Daniel Markin:

Mm-hmm (affirmative). And some of the work that you’re doing right now as a professor, what kind of, was that always a desire to teach? Was that always there or did you kind of happen upon being just following education down a path and be like, “You know what, I should just teach this?”

Dr. Marina Hofman:

Yes, I’ve always loved the Bible have always had a natural gift of teaching and really I’ve had a call and a passion, even when I was so young to reach young people. And I remember at one point they were older than me, but how nice to now have so many young people in my life to spend so much time with them over the course of a semester and yes, to inform, but really to go before them and encourage them. And hopefully as best I can be a model of what can happen in our lives when we give ourselves to God and we choose faithful obedience and we choose to shut out every other voice. God does something incredible through our lives.

Daniel Markin:

Mm-hmm (affirmative). So, Marina, why don’t you, I guess begin, we’ll take the time here. If you could just tell us your story because you’ve alluded to it, I’ve alluded to it and you alluded to this accident. If you would kind of walk us through that and I’ll be jumping in and asking questions as we go. From my understanding, it’s a motor vehicle accident. And I know, because you just mentioned injuries there. I know how brutal that is. On my end of things, I was in three car accidents in three weeks. Now my understanding is your accident is far more severe than mine. And so, I want to hear about this, I want to here about the story and then hear about how the Lord has kind of brought you through that.

Dr. Marina Hofman:

Well, my husband and I were driving home from Sudbury and this is back seven years ago. So, the major highway was under construction and there was a small part where I went over a bit of a bridge narrowed down to one lane each way. So, you can picture us being really trapped in a situation. Everyone’s going whatever, 105, 110, was a busy day. And there’s a car right in front of us, a car right behind us, a rail on our side and there is one thin orange line between us and oncoming traffic, even at this high speed. And we had a slight bend in the road and the person coming toward us, his head went down and all of a sudden, literally in a split second, his car was into our car and our engine was sitting in the driver’s seat. That’s how dramatic and fast it happened.

Daniel Markin:

Oh my goodness. And so, what led to that? Did this other person kind of lose control or was it just like, what was the situation? Or just too quick?

Dr. Marina Hofman:

We don’t know. His head went down and that was it. His car crashes into ours and so many events that day really dramatically showed God’s hands of protection on us. The one incident is that my husband, when he felt the brakes disengaged, threw his body on top of me, even with his seatbelt on, he managed to cover my body and hold my head against the headrest. So, when our Jeep engine up in his seat, really, he wasn’t there, thank God. He was over to the side and I had a brain injury and it’s called a minor brain injury but a minor brain injury is huge. It’s like a massive, massive concussion. I could not speak English, my own language. I had severe amnesia, one problem after another. And I can’t even imagine what my injury would have been if it did not occur with my husband holding my head against the headrest.

Dr. Marina Hofman:

And Daniel in the moment that followed, I don’t have any recollection, but apparently I was screaming and trying very hard to get out of the car. And again, God sent an angel, I think in the form of a fire fighter in front of us and two EMT workers behind us, what people to be right there. In seconds, they bear hugged me to the seat and all of us know how hard that would be in the middle of February in -30, some degree weather, they stood outside for 48 minutes holding my body down so that I didn’t try to move against my will. The surgeon, the next day told me if they hadn’t done that I would have tried to get up. And with all my four lacerations, I would have died before I ever got on my feet instantly. So, again, not overstating the miraculous intervention of God. I arrived at the hospital and the surgeon who was prepping for surgery. And I mean, she was there on her day off of all things.

Dr. Marina Hofman:

There she is at the hospital having lent on her day off. She decides to pass by my room on the way to get ready and the nurses are preparing to do an hour of tests and she said, “This woman does not have time. I’ve seen death. She has minutes roll her in right now.” And they did the long way of surgery. They didn’t know what was wrong. So, they just cut me open and checked every organ, a 10 hour surgery. And again, she said that if I hadn’t been older and had seen death on people many times, you would not have made it pass the testing. So, it’s a dramatic story of the first 24 hours. And it’s a beautiful reminder that God has our lives in his hands and he is watching out for us even to the detail of who is before us and who is behind us.

Daniel Markin:

Wow. I mean, as you described it, I got a lot of things going through my head. And the first one is obviously the providence of having yeah, like the firefighter in front, paramedic behind the exact people you’d need in a moment like that. But then even like, I’ve been thinking a lot, even just through COVID and about doctors and the idea of like pattern recognition, the fact that you have this seasoned surgeon with pattern recognition, who could actually be like, see the issue and be like, they just, they could lock in, know what to do, but because of their experience, right? Because of all the other times that they’ve been walking through stuff with people that they were able to actually help you in that way.

Daniel Markin:

And so, I guess the first thing that I think about is post because again, with brain injuries, I’ve had concussions. I know how frustrating that is. How long was it before you were kind of be able to come to and start to grapple with these things, but then as you did that, how did that affect your faith in the sense of, were you a believer when this accident happened?

Dr. Marina Hofman:

Yes, I was a believer and the hardest moment I faced in my journey of recovery was definitely the first few days where I felt completely alone and I didn’t know where I was or what has happening. To me, I didn’t know if my husband was alive, but I knew a sense of death. And at the same time as feeling a sense of death on me, I had the most incredible, all consuming awareness of God’s presence. And here I am a scholar of the Bible. I should have had many verses to encourage myself with, but there was only one single line from scripture that I could think of. And it replayed continuously, “To live is Christ.” And that’s such a beautiful theological point and certainly has strong spiritual meanings. But Daniel, for me, in those first few days, it wasn’t just a spiritual truth. It was literally a physical truth. Literally, I knew that God was holding my life together and I was alive because of Christ

Daniel Markin:

And holding you together, right? Like literally sustaining and holding you together.

Dr. Marina Hofman:

Yes. And that was again a dramatic story, but no less incredible is the story of God redeeming me and being with me and walking with me in the months and years that followed. You ask how long it took, well, it was two solid months before I could say the word yes and I could say the word no without stuttering. So, that’s how far I had to come from. Just with my brain injury. I had severe PTSD anxiety, depression, as you can imagine, I was completely consumed with anxiety constantly. So, I was really needing to recreate all of life from the beginning.

Daniel Markin:

When you say anxiety, what is that to you? How does that affect you in the sense like what do you feel? Because I understand people experience anxiety in different ways and just trying to understand what that might’ve been like, how does that feel when you’re experiencing it?

Dr. Marina Hofman:

Well, the thought of getting back in the car was probably my worst anxiety. It was a terrifying thought that I would ever be in a car again. And really everything that I ever did created so much anxiety for me. I would have been happy, like the little Hobbit to stay in my little hole in the ground forever. And I literally thought for years, every time I stepped out of my house, there was a scary world out there and I was taking a risk. But again, how do we overcome these things? For me, there are many forward, but ultimately it’s founded on Christ and the courage that he gives us to keep going forward every day, despite the real sense of fears that are in the world.

Dr. Marina Hofman:

And you say you got in an accident three times in a row. How do you get back in the car after that? How do you move forward? There’s only one way, that Christ gives us the strength to keep going forward. And as believers we can trust that God has our life in his hands and even when things fall apart, they’re not beyond God’s control and God’s ability. He is still with us. He is still watching over us.

Daniel Markin:

Okay. Yeah. I mean, I do remember it was weird. Yeah. Getting back into the car after, because it was eerie getting back in. And in one sense it was like very natural because you’re, I don’t know if you get back in a car, it can be natural, but it was weird. And it was incredibly weird too driving past the spot where the accident occurred and just seeing the spot and for like a while you could see the still like the skid marks in the road from where all like the stuff, and the debris in the street as well. And so, I can appreciate that, but almost a 100 fold, 1,000 fold for you. So, looking back on it then for those who have undergone a traumatic experience like that, whether it be a car accident or something else in their life, where would you direct people in the scriptures in particular for hope and comfort?

Daniel Markin:

And not just like, when I say hope, I’m not just saying like something that’ll, like a fluffy encouragement, I’m thinking something significant, something deep, something where people actually have to read the words over and over and over again, before they start to feel like they are actually taking root. And so, for you were there are certain verses or certain passages that really stood out to you?

Dr. Marina Hofman:

Well, I kept going back to the promises we have in Christ and in God that God will never leave us. And even though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death and I’ve been there and I think many people have been there in one way or another, whether financial troubles, whether relationships falling apart or whether a physical injury, whatever it is, God is with us in the midst of that valley and he continues to walk with us as we emerge from it. And I think the beauty of scripture and especially the stories of women in the Bible is that they don’t have perfect lives or they don’t simply pray and everything turns out wonderful. But these are stories that we have of people struggling and trusting God in the midst of their trials, in the midst of their desperation while their prayers are unanswered.

Dr. Marina Hofman:

So, if they can put their faith and trust in God, I think that gives me the courage that I can too. And sometimes you see God working and sometimes you have to wait. And that’s such a painful and hard theme in scripture waiting, being patient. And yet we see it on every page. And there’s a reason God calls us to wait and be patient. And I can speak from my own experience that it was during the times of waiting and expectation for God to intervene in my life where a whole, another type of miracle took place. It was the miracle of my character transformation.

Daniel Markin:

Wow. So, elaborate on that. And in what senses did your character transform?

Dr. Marina Hofman:

I think we desire to have love for others, for empathy, to understand others, to be there when they’re in facing trials but it’s also a very hard task. I think of my friend two days ago, she sent me a message that she caught rear-ended the car spun around and then she got hit from the front. So, she was in a sense, two accidents back to back, ended up in the hospital. What do we say to a friend in that moment? And she’s obviously in the hospital alone, no visitors right now with COVID. She is waiting for a text of encouragement, maybe more than ever needed in today’s world. So, what do you say when you go to pray for your friends, how do you pray and what do you do practically as they enter their road to recovery? And I think whence we have suffered, there’s a place in us that we can reach and find words of comfort for others.

Dr. Marina Hofman:

And we can do our best without suffering and God works in wonderful ways no matter what. We have the promises of scripture to share. But for me there’s been a deep, beautiful impact that I’ve seen myself make on others and it’s only because I actually really understand their suffering and my words have such depth and meaning, but it’s because they come from my own sense of brokenness and a place of God’s healing in my life.

Daniel Markin:

Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yeah. What you’re describing there is super encouraging because each one of us has gone through things. And we asked the question why, and what’s unique is you’re actually getting to probably experience now some of the why, and I’m sure there’s lots of people who are now able to share that with you and you’re able to kind of say when they come to you and say, why you’re able to say, “Well, in the moment I didn’t know why, but now I’m starting to see it, right?” And this reminds me kind of like, we call Jesus the wonderful counselor and that the best type of counselors, the best counsel that we get is almost always from people who have been through what we’ve been through, right? And with that, we know that Christ is a wonderful counselor. And the reason he is such a good counselor as well, other than being God himself, but, and understanding, but he in a physical and intimate way knows what it’s like to suffer, right?

Daniel Markin:

He knows what it’s like to abandoned. All his friends abandoned him in his time of need. He knows what it’s like to be alone. He hung alone on the cross, right? His body was lacerated destroyed and thrown to the side and he was left to die. And we know that he cries out to the father saying, “Lord, why have you forsaken me?” He knows what it’s like to just feel completely alone, devastated, destroyed in a human sense and as well in that moment, just feeling completely lost. And yeah, this was God himself, right? He knew the bigger plan, but yet still felt all that. And I think that speaks to a God that is not indifferent to our suffering.

Daniel Markin:

And I think that’s one of the amazing messages of Christianity is I think every religion has to answer the question of suffering. It does, it’s an inevitable question of life. But at the same time in Christianity, we have a God who’s not indifferent to it. And that’s what I see kind of weaving through your story in your life is a God who clearly was in it with you and still in it with you. And so, now as you’ve mentioned kind of seven years later, I’m imagining there’s still some sort of recovery. You’re alluded to the fact that you’re in a warmer climate, oftentimes that can really help with joint pain or anything. I know that they actually sent people to Dubai because they do experimental surgeries sometimes, but then it’s great place to recover because of the heat. And so, now in your recovery, could you speak a little bit into what that some of that physical recovery has been like? But then how you recover emotionally and spiritually after an event like that?

Dr. Marina Hofman:

Well, everything takes time. Healing takes time, restoration takes time. And as we’ve talked about the beauty of a road to recovery with Christ, that God is there every step of the way. And I think all of us, no matter how strong our faith, no matter what we’ve been through, we are always threatened with the lies of the enemy that want to take us down. We’re always threatened with self doubt, with a bleak view of the future, with fears for the future. So, how do we keep moving on when for some of us, there’s this dark cloud above us? I know I spend many years, two and three years where I just felt like on the inside, it was like there was never a single sunny day and the best I could do was fake a smile. But again, looking back on that time in my life, I know it was God’s strength that allowed me to take every step forward and to keep trusting that every day would be better even days that felt two steps forward one step back.

Dr. Marina Hofman:

And there are many things I did in my humanity to try and get better. Be healthy, get exercise, cling onto God’s words, but just the reassurance that even when the days were dark and hard, the Lord was with me and there would be a point where my joy was fully restored. And it came about in so many different ways day by day, but also moments where God would send someone to encourage my heart to give me hope and faith, days where I would realize I accidentally smiled and it was a very genuine smile. And one day I was watching a sports game. My students, they scored, they won the game. They were so happy and I accidentally jumped up and cheered and smiled and laugh with them. And I realized, wow, another day and another step forward in my recovery.

Dr. Marina Hofman:

And I’ll say another thing that was very beautiful in my journey is I was told I could not have children, but I did have eventually have a child. And she is truly a gift from God and such a sense of joy. So, I had the experience one where God took me through the path of depression slowly day by day. And then I seemed to take a massive leap forward with the birth of my little girl who was such a blessing and a miracle in my life and continues to be a day-to-day sign that God has brought me so far and has worked wonderfully in my life and she’s a testimony of what God has done for me.

Daniel Markin:

Mm-hmm (affirmative). I mean, children are a miracle in and of themselves, right? And they’re a complete gift from God, but especially with your situation, right? With the injury sustained and the amount of trauma your body went through, what a gift, what a blessing of God in that. And that’s so amazing to hear. As we kind of wrap up here on this episode, because I know that we could keep talking and we could talk more and more and more about this and the Lord and probably all the different ways that he showed up. But what is the message that you would want to share with people listening to this across Canada, right? Who are going through difficult times, especially coming out of COVID, especially the frustrations there. I mean, some people might have gotten COVID are still dealing with the effects of some of the complications associated with that, or even just job loss or sustained injury, right?

Daniel Markin:

There’s lots of things going on. What would be some of the advice that you would give to people or maybe to put it this way, the question this way, what are some dues and what are some don’ts in regards to having hope and looking forward and those struggling in this time?

Dr. Marina Hofman:

Well, I’m so thankful you asked me this question at the end of our segment, because your listeners now know that what I’m about to say comes from a place of great pain and great suffering. So, it’s no cliche. I mean this very truly, and I hope it speaks to the heart of every listener that truly God is your strength. And there are many ways to move forward in many forms of support and therapy and medicine, but fundamentally at the very base, put your faith in God and anchor it there and trust God that he is with you, that he is walking every step through the valley of the shadow of death with you. And it was no surprise that this what happened. God has already gone before you to make a way and God will restore your joy and he will restore relationships and it may take time.

Dr. Marina Hofman:

Healing takes time. Recovery takes time, but never lose sight of God’s presence with you and that your source of joy and strength is in God. And in our weakness, there’s a beautiful truth, we can turn to constantly. The weaker that we are, the more human we are, the greater Christ is at work within us because in our weakness, Christ’s strength has made all the more powerful. And how sad if we become so self-confident and strong that we decide not to rely on Christ. So, the weaker your listener is today and the harder their situation, give praise and glory to God because of that means that Christ strength in you will shine through all the more and you can hold on to that truth every morning and every night.

Daniel Markin:

Mm-hmm (affirmative). There’s an interesting passage in the beginning of Colossians where Paul says, he says something to the extent of in chapter one, I’m filling up the afflictions that are lacking in Christ. And that’s an odd statement because we don’t assume we’re like, well, no Christ didn’t. He’s sacrificing atonement didn’t lack anything, right? Why do we have to take part in attributing that? And I think it’s a, the way Paul’s meaning it is Christ ascended and left and now has left Paul in the place of suffering, but through his suffering, he’s now able to tell the story of Jesus and point more people to him. And I wonder if that also is helpful to our listeners as everything you’ve been saying and sharing is so amazing. And I just, that’s kind of the verse that often pops to mind when I hear of stories.

Daniel Markin:

We just don’t know why, other than like you said, it’s actually going to allow Christ to shine all but more.

Dr. Marina Hofman:

Yes.

Daniel Markin:

Well Marina, thank you for your time today and we’re going to have you back on the program. And so, again, thank you for being on here, sharing your story. And we just, I think all the listeners here, we’re going to be praying for you and your family just then that continued recovery. Because I just imagined too, there’s going to be moments where it would be hard and it would feel like you could slip into send back into that dark place. And so, just know that we’re praying behind the scenes. And again, thank you for being on here and sharing your story and we look forward to chatting with you soon.

Dr. Marina Hofman:

Thank you, Daniel. Thanks for letting me share my story and to give glory to God for all his faithfulness in my life.

Daniel Markin:

Well, thank you again, Marina, for being on the program and in particular, it really stood out to me the idea of God’s providence. Just the example of the paramedics and the firefighters being there. We have a good God, a God who cares for us and is there for us and that’s just a physical, tangible example of that. I hope this episode was helpful and we look forward to being able to connect with you soon. Thanks again for listening. All the best.

Speaker 1:

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Daniel Markin:

Indoubt is a ministry of Good News Global Media designed to speak into faith, life and culture. These are challenging conversations for young men and women who have chosen lives for Jesus, while at the same time are constantly engaged by the culture and philosophies of the world around them. It causes us to ask about the relevance of the Bible, how to engage our world, how to share the gospel and perhaps the most difficult question, how does the young follower of Jesus live a holy life? Join us each week as we dig deep into faith, life and culture. For more information about indoubt or to offer a gift of support to this young adult ministry, visit indoubt.com or call 1844-663-24-24. Thanks.